Beautiful necklace, isn’t it? It’s my favorite,
made by my lovely, quirky, tender-hearted, eccentric cousin Kelly. I wear it at
least once a week to honor her memory.
Kelly killed herself on November 25th, 2014, one month before Christmas. She was one of two children, the only daughter, and
much-loved by her family. She was gifted at making jewelry and loved to give it
away, so her parents asked us to take home pieces from her memorial service to
remember her. Two Christmas trees at the front of the hall sparkled and
glittered with the beautiful reminders – gorgeous and heartbreaking.
Earlier in the year I thought the untimely loss of
Robin Williams would be the closest brush with suicide my immediate family
would have. My children deal with anxiety disorders and depression, but overall
things for them are improving. There have been times where I have walked them
through suicide attempts and suicidal ideation, but we have come through it. A
high-profile suicide of a beloved figure is alarming, since it can be a trigger
for those very sensitive already.
Depression is one of the most insidious
diseases. It constantly natters in your ear, filling your head with hopeless
thoughts. And many sufferers are able to “present well.” They are able to hide
their symptoms while with other people or their doctors, only to have the
hopelessness come back full force when they are alone.
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photo via pixabay
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I don’t agree with those who say that people who
commit suicide are being selfish. The deeply depressed person is so trapped and
so deceived that they truly feel that it is the best option for everyone. They
see themselves as a burden. With his or her death, everyone will be free. They don’t
see the aftermath: the parents finding their beloved child, the paroxysms of
tears and grief, or the packing up of all the belongings of the now lost child.
They don’t think about all the Christmases and birthdays and holidays where
they will be missed. They can’t see past their own pain and hopelessness.
My sweet cousin had her own struggles with
anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a recent accident requiring surgery and painful
recovery. Somehow she managed to hide from us just how hopeless she had become.
We didn’t see it coming.
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| photo via flickr |
The questions from those of us left behind, both
in the commentary about Robin Williams and looking back at my cousin’s life,
are remarkably similar: “Was he/she on medication?” (Yes.) “Was he/she in
counseling or treatment?” (Yes.) So we are left wondering how we didn’t see it.
The meds seemed to be helping. She seemed to be getting better. The ultimate
and most heart-wrenching question: “Couldn’t I have done more? Something,
anything? Couldn’t I have seen this coming?”
At Kelly’s memorial service I heard about all
the wonderful things she did in her life: traveled to Africa to build
orphanages, volunteered for years at the Salvation Army, volunteered at a
hospice to feed those who were unable to feed themselves. There were many
people I had never seen before coming up to share how Kelly touched their lives
and encouraged them. It made me happy that they came to honor her, but so sad
at the same time. How many of these people would have dropped what they were
doing and spent time with Kelly that night if any of us had known her plans or
how hopeless she was? I know I would have dropped everything.
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| photo via flickr |
I know there are so, so many people of all ages
gripped by that same hopelessness and depression. Know this:
There are more people who care about you than
you realize. More than you will ever know.
Don’t just listen to the voice of depression.
Reach out and talk to someone: online, by text, or by phone. If you don’t have
a friend or family member that you trust to talk to about your feelings, there
are networks of caring people who are ready to listen. They care about you. I
care. You matter.
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| photo via flickr |
If you are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please use one
of these links below.
Canada:
Kids Help Phone for people in crisis under age
20: 1-800-668-6868, toll-free 24/7 access: http://org.kidshelpphone.ca/en
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-TALK (8255), toll-free 24/7 access
Resources on understanding, coping, intervening,
preventing, grieving, and advocating:
An interactive map to find a local crisis centre
in your province:
United States:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-TALK (8255), toll-free 24/7 access
The Trevor Project Lifeline for LGBTQ in crisis
or feeling suicidal: 1-866-488-7386, toll-free 24/7 access
United Kingdom:
Samaritans have online and phone counseling 24/7
And here is an image I found online, but can't
find the original source to credit. It has a list of worldwide suicide hotlines
which seems to be current.
If you have something you would like to share,
please do so in the comments. I would love to hear from you. If you would like
to read more about my struggle with depresssion, click here for the link.
Talk to someone. Ask for help. It gets better.
